i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
