critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
