i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
