we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
