Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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