i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
