so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
