You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
