If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
