I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
