It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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