i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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