I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
