I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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