Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
