this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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