so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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