matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
