I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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