As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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