Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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