Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
