Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
