He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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