your parents love me but you hate me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
