Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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