lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
