he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
