ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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