do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
