no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
