the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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