went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
