Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
