I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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