I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
