Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
