sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
