my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
