I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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