I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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