took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
