Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
