the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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