we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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