I wish I could teleport
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
