Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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