I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
