that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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