Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
