she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
